Unicorn feces

They sound like computer rape and car wreckage. They probably took too much of something. Their lyrics treat subjects of wisdom, at least as long as you wander rainbow-land and are smelling the stench of something un-dreamy.

Did you know that unicorns shit rainbows and fart children’s laughter? No? Then go learn.

Maybe The Porch Song are ambiguous, maybe just a little sick. They phantasize about „Nipples like Donuts“ and clearly state that they don’t eat shit. In their Hashcore-universe (that’s the self-given genre title), „A is for Assholes“. It’s not a rainbow-colored world, but it sure is lovely and full of rubber duckies.
Unicorns? Exist, but in their animalistic natura. Bubblegum eyes haven’t made their way out of yesterday.
Ian and Dan from Illinois, who claim to be inspired by slayers and hairdressers, seduce a small audience with ominous sound thunderstorms and slaughterhouse collapse settings. The noise would be unbearable, if it wasn’t that good. As though gliding away on a truly „Boweltastic Voyage“, the persistent buzzing lulls you, cradles you, poisons you. It’s even fun.

The song linked to above already made it on one of the StonerRock compilations – collections of music that is famous for being slurry, sludgy, heavy and a little bit doomed at the end of the day. Dark and uncompromising, it sucks you into a stinking tunnel filled with threat and bad air. You inhale. You exhale.
The Porch Song is your soundtrack for this. Seriously. Feel the hammer (which is the bass) crush against your skull again and again, hum along until your throat catches fire. This is something new.

My description lacks concision?
You’re right maybe.
Let me quote hogfeldt’s signature on stonerrock forums, then – „You are excrement, but you can turn yourself into gold.“ Now things should be a little clearer.